Codej's Blog

Ouch

codej — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 19:27:42 +0000

Sometimes you really say things without thinking huh…i cant believe you just said that when i say i promise it wont happen…like really? That was really fucking harsh…when i promise something i try my hardest and you just blew it off like it means nothing…just makes me feel like when i say i promise that i love you and always will that youre just gunna say to yourself that i dont mean it…that really hurts…i know afterwards you said sorry but that doesnt change the fact that my heart is torn a little…cuz if my promises mean nothing to you, does that mean your promises are empty as well? Are you just saying it to make me feel better or justify something? It just makes me feel insecure now why did you say that

Damn labs

codej — Thu, 24 Nov 2011 15:45:59 +0000

I hate having to sit here doing nothing…im trying to do my lab but i have to wait for linux to finish installing on the computer…why cant the teacher just have thing set up so they will run?! Like come on how can we succeed if you dont supply us with the tools we need…you should probably just go back into retirement…..im just so rattled about this…i just want to do my work for once

I guess sorry will never be enough

codej — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:18:54 +0000

I don’t know what to say…I keep telling you I’m sorry but it never seems to be enough…youre still constantly depressed and I can’t seem to fix it…as a child my parents always just had me say sorry for what I had done and it seemed to fix everything…but now…nothing I do can fix it…it also really hurt when you said things will never been the same….cuz that’s what I want more than a thing…for things to be as they were…you hurt me more than you realized…I know you will read this and you are going to feel like shit and I’m sorry…this is still all my fault so just let me stew in my anguish and some times I just need to be alone with my thoughts

I hate early mornings

codej — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 13:52:40 +0000

So i am not a morning person…have to get out of my nice warm bed is not appealing at all…its just bad luck i guess that i got a job that requires me to get up at 3:30 am every saturday and sunday…the only up side of this is it gives me an excuse to take naps…and boy do i love my naps….im currently on break at work and man i wish i was napping right now…or even better sleeping in my warm cozy bed still…a man is allowed to wish and dream right? I am looking forward to the day where i get a new job…scratch that a career where i can sleep more and make more money too…looks like its time to get back to work now….uggghhh…i cant wait to nap after work

Productive day!

codej — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 03:46:34 +0000

Today has been a pretty interesting day…went to work only to find out my manager wasn’t coming in and neither was the assistent manager…huh…then our supervisor called in sick….as well as 4 other people called in sick too….well fuck…looks like I’m acting supervisor today…so I called around to different employees to see if anybody could work…managed to find one person from our location who could come in, then had to call up other locations and drafted Ben and rich to come work with us today…needless to say it was an interesting day as beening somewhat supervisor. The when I got home I watched a little TV…so unproductive but whateves I like an hour later I decided ti start working on my server and configuring my desktop…this ended up leading to me doing homework…finally got around to doing a lab that was due like 4 weeks ago…oops…at least it done now…I have now decided I’m going to do one lab a day minimum till I’m caught up on my work…I really like to use the excuse my computer was away being fixed and that’s why my word didn’t get done but that’s kinda a joke…it was only gone for a week and I could have done work at school…but I have decided I’m going to turn things around…I’m going to try and fix my work ethic and my initiative….I need to get better at school and work on my grades….needless today felt pretty productive…and in comparison to the last week or so it really was super productive…and I ain’t mad.

In other news my best friend and roommate bought us a set of walkie talkies….I can just think of all the shananigans we will get into with these things…we also set ground rules were we have ti use the proper procedure when using these….10-4 little buddy Also I hesr from my high school bro…he was my closest friend for years but lately we have fallen apppart due to distance and relationships. It was so nice hearing from him…like I guess I need to show more initiavie in contacting him…I miss the guy like crazy. We did so much epic stuff together and I more or less lived with him and his family in the summer of grade 12….fuck I need to visit him…I literally haven’t seen him in like 3 or 4 months I miss my brother from another mother…but anyways its time for me to get some sleep, I’m working at 4:30 am tomorrow…..

Over and out

11 months ago

codej — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 04:14:40 +0000

So its be a little while…since I last posted…and since I met her…let me tell you about her…she is amazing. She is about 5ft 7in long brown hair with gorgeous big brown eyes. She has a smile that glows and she has probably the cutest little giggle in the world.she of course denies this but I know what I know. She is super cute, smart, funny and very out going. Anyways about 11 months ago I met this girl. First time we met…not love at first sight I was originally visiting friends from my hometown and they brought her along…to be honest I’m glad they did…ya we didn’t hit off right away but I began following her on twitter and added her of Facebook (I used to be compulsive about adding everybody I met). We then began talking more and then I believe she began to fall for me…I don’t know what she saw in me or what she still sees in me but I’m not going to question a good thing we then hung out s few times, first in Toronto then in her hometown over Christmas break. Our first real time hanging out alone was the 18th of December…its that night that she first kissed me and its that night that we kinda decided to try a relationship…however due to my parents and there rules n beliefs we didn’t disclose this till I moved went home after new years. That was 11 months ago today. Today is our aniversary. I couldn’t be more happier. I think I found the one without even looking..she kinds found me. And I’m glad she did. She wasn’t my high school sweet heart (never had one to be honest) but she is the one woman I want ti give my heart and everything to. She is the woman I want to marry <3 this little post goes out to the woman I love. If your reading this babe I love you with all my heart…thanks for being mine and butting up with me.

Good days are nice for a change

codej — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 05:43:49 +0000

What started out last night as an bad day turned out not so bad afterall. Ya i didnt get much sleep but in the end i just napped for a few hours this afternoon. Naps are glorious arent they? I feel like to day i need to rant about my love of sleep and naps. On the same topic my girlfriend just posted pics of me sleeping to her tumblr page…weird conicidence huh. Well ya i love naps. THey just make you feel so damn refreshed its amazing. Also its a great way to pass the time like say if your girl is working and cant really text you. Bam! nap time. ITs like magic one moment she is working and the next moment you get a phone call from her saying she is done work and misses you. Its like time travel! Also naps are great when you have somebody to nap with. Being spooned while having a nap is like the greatest feeling in the world to me! Im weird and i have issues but damn i love being spooned and i love napping. Call me crazy. Back to the topic of why today was better than it started out as. Over the day things got better. I got up and actually ate breakfast for the first time in a long time. That was delcious. Ya it was only a bologna sandwich with cheese and bbq sauce but it was delicious in my mind non the less. Then i walked to school. Cold walk yes but at least i had my music with me really helped pass the time. Then i managed to have decent time in the first class. it wasnt as bad as i expect it was gunna be. Stupid routing and protoclols course. I really need to catch up in that class. Then i had to scurry off to my operating systems 2 class. but before it started there as an annoying ass fire drill. luckily it didnt last long and then we got back to doing work. For class i had to install linux on a machine cuz i needed it for the scripting part of the class. so i quickly installed the ubuntu 11.10. gotta say im in love with it. it looks amazing and is pretty easy to use. I also had alot of fun actually doing the scrpiting for the class. it was tough at first but i nailed it in the end. Then after that i had my favorite course this year. Internet investigations. Learned all about tracing packets and downloading the files that others are looking at on the network. IT was pretty sick actually. After class i walk int eh freezing cold home where i pretty much just sat around and watched the simpsons all night. not productive i know, but hey shooot me. After a nap while my gf works me and her had a serrious conversation that had me a little worried but things worked out and i feel like i managed to get across that i love her with all my heart and that i never want to loose her. This then lead to some cute talk which really brightned my day. Over all it was a good day but i really need some sleep now. Signing off for now. Hopefully i can keep up this whole blogging thing and make it a regular occurance. its fun and really helps me i think. Lets just see how long it lasts.

Goodnight world….

Lets start fresh

codej — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 05:56:39 +0000

So I’m having a bad day…what else is new? Some times I just need to let things out but guess what I csnt talk to people about it most of the time. Lets face it…I have trust issues. Not like most people have however. My problem is I need and want people to trust me. I like the way it makes me feel and I’m always there to let people know I care. But sometimes when I have problems I feel like I’m letting the person done if I talk about my problems. Like I know I’m not superman or anything but I don’t like feeling imperfect or that I have visible blemishes on my canvase called my human character. As I said I got issues. Its why I’m typing this instead of talking to my loving girlfriend. Anyways I’m restarting my blog as a way to vent and a sort of self therapy. Call me crazy but I gotta fo this…and I’m doing this just for me. I’m not trying to get any attention. I’m just a guy who needs to let it out so I can finally get some sleep at night.